An Open Letter to Chinese Leaders and Lesbians Worldwide

 or

An April fools day health column for mankind

 

“Lysistrata (Attic Greek: Λυσιστράτη, "Army-disbander") is one of the few surviving plays written by Aristophanes. Originally performed in classical Athens in 411 BC, it is a comic account of one woman's extraordinary mission to end The Peloponnesian War. Lysistrata persuades the women of Greece to withhold sexual privileges from their husbands and lovers as a means of forcing the men to negotiate peace, a strategy however that inflames the battle between the sexes. The play is notable for its exposé of sexual relations in a male-dominated society and for its use of both double entendre and explicit obscenities.”   * This is quoted from Wikipedia on 3/2/2011

Lysistrata was a temporary joke, but remarkable for its antiquity.  The world now has a temporary opportunity for a permanent “Lyistrata”—permanent because it would be done by selective breeding.  This idea came from two sources:

1) A reception at a scientific meeting put on by gay and lesbian scientists in 2008.  My motive for attending was suspect because I had heard that these receptions had exceptionally good food—I quickly became a hidden microphone when I heard that lesbians, not just scientific ones, in many of our large cities want families and are so well accepted that they have organized sperm banks for their purpose (apparently scientific lesbians are too smart for singles bars).

2) An example from Japan of inheritance of personality traits in Labrador retrievers. The Japanese formerly spent the equivalent of $23,000 per dog for training guide dogs for the blind.  Part of the high cost was that only 30% of the dogs successfully completed the training.  Using gene sequencing to help select new trainee dogs genetically similar to the most successful animals, the pass rate for the first dogs so selected was 80%.  Here is proof of principle that benign temperament can be enhanced by selective breeding at least in Labradors.  Suzuki, the geneticist in charge of the selective breeding, thinks that his method could easily be applied to humans.  * Nature 446, 8 Mar ’07, page 119 

Imagine the attitude of lesbian mothers after a few centuries of selecting sperm donors for their personal health and the absence of inherited disease in their families.  Most of the lesbians will become concerned about close calls of mankind with warfare using the weapons of mass destruction.  Some of them will either hear of Aristophanes or reinvent Lysistrata’s wheel independently and start breeding for non-pugilistic temperament. Word will get around to the rest of society, and politicians from these lineages will become more electable.

How did mention of Chinese leaders turn up in this discussion?  Regardless of the opinions or social acceptance of Chinese lesbians, China will have a unique opportunity when their one child policy is abandoned (as must happen).  Incidentally, let me congratulate them on the success of their population control in spite of shrill criticism from people who had no equally constructive or even potentially successful policy on offer.  Their unique opportunity is to relax the one child policy by subsidizing second offspring conceived by artificial insemination from donors selected in the same spirit as scientific lesbians breeding for peaceful temperament.

Mankind’s pugilism has been bred into us because aggression in males improves sexual access even in the absence of polygamy and we have been polygamous longer than we have been monogamous.  The Chinese have an unusual opportunity to correct some of this breeding for previously survival- enhancing aggression that has become a serious hazard to our survival for several generations because of ridiculous improvement in weaponry.

Furthermore, our monogamy has been a handicap in breeding for improvement in the genetics of our population and because of modern medical miracles inhibiting inevitable early death of our least fit offspring. The eugenics movement of the early twentieth century was misguided but not in error in every detail of their thinking.

Dear reader: I hope this has expanded your thinking, at the very least, about the scope of April fools day.

John A. Frantz, MD, March 2, 2011